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The One Thing That Never Goes Out of Style

24 September, 2015 - 08:26pm by - First Lady | 18 Comments

By BR Kellie*

Fashions come and go. One minute contouring is in, the next it’s all about strobing. You go to sleep in a world that loves glossy lips and wake up in a world that is all about matte lips. But what’s the one thing that never goes out of fashion? Etiquette.

Of course etiquette, like fashion, evolves. Whilst once upon a time a gent would walk on the outside of a lady to save her from being splashed with mud from a passing carriage, these days we don’t even think twice about who would walk on the closer side of the road. However, we would notice if a friend met us for lunch and then spent half their time checking their phone as opposed to talking to us.

So what are the modern etiquette must-haves? And is there some etiquette that will always be in fashion no matter how the world changes?

In the old days if you wanted to talk to someone you would ring from a phone in your sitting room, or if you were lucky, on the second phone in the relative privacy of your parent’s bedroom. These days we’re more likely to use our cellphone, and the evolution of the phone has created a new set of rules for phone etiquette. 

  • Whether you’re meeting one friend or a group make it your priority to be 100% engaged, that means putting your phone away and keeping it away. It may well pay to turn it off so there’s no chance you’ll want to have a quick glance at your email or Facebook or even your favourite beauty review website… 
  • Having your phone sitting on the table during coffee or a meal is an absolute no-no. The only exception to this is if you’re expecting an important phone call (think crucial medical test results or the impending death of a loved one) and you’ve explained to the person you’re spending time with that while you wouldn’t usually have a phone on a table, you can’t miss that particular phone call.
  • Other phone faux pas to avoid? Don’t text someone to break up with them or to announce important family matters.  If you can’t do it face to face pick up the phone and call, that’s what it was originally created for.
  • Don’t chat on your phone whilst ordering a coffee or having your groceries put through at the checkout. End the phone call and treat the person serving you like a human and not a robot who is there to do your bidding.
  • Lastly, don’t check your phone during a movie in the cinema, that little bright light is distracting. And always silence your phone – the only phone that should be heard during a movie is the sound effect of a phone in the movie.

So what about work etiquette?

  • As wonderful as the microwave is, it can cause people to screw their noses up at work when colleagues insist on microwaving their fish pie (and its other whiffy food friends). Yes, that fish pie you had for dinner might taste delicious, but it sure doesn’t smell delicious wafting through the office – keep the smelly leftovers at home.
  • Another rule? Don’t eat other people’s food from the work fridge, no matter how tempting their leftovers look. 

Etiquette also exists around work email.

  • First of all keep that subject line clear and to the point. Think ‘article for review’ rather than ‘here’s an article that might be ok but I’m not sure can you please check it out…’.  
  • Until you’ve built a relationship with the person you’re emailing, keep it formal. Use proper salutations, sign off with a Best Wishes or Kind Regards, and don’t use emoticons. A rule of thumb I use is to keep it formal until they make the first move to friendly things up a bit, or until we’ve met in real life and you’ve had the opportunity to figure out whether they’d be amenable to a warmer email working relationship.
  • Don’t take forever to reply. Aim to have emails that need replying sent within 24 to 48 hours. Also if the only word you plan on emailing is ‘thanks’, think again before hitting the send button. One word emails are inbox cloggers and have the potential to annoy an already busy and stressed person
  • Finally, there are times where emailing is inappropriate, say in the case of a confidential discussion or a looming deadline when action needs to be taken. Then in pays to pick up the phone or actually go and see the person - an email can be ignored, but it’s a lot harder to block a real live person who is asking you to get a wriggle on.

So what about the basics of etiquette? Here’s a rundown of beautiful rules that I doubt will ever change no matter how the world around us does.

  • If you RSVP to an event, turn up. To not turn up can put the other person out of pocket, upset seating plans, and will no doubt see you crossed off many invite lists. And don’t be late; always make the effort to be on time.
  • Always go to a party with something in hand, unless you’ve been expressly forbidden. Bring flowers or a plant, a bottle of wine (which you can not expect to be opened for you to guzzle because it’s a gift), or some nice cheese and crackers. 
  • If someone is walking behind you and you’re going through the door, leave it open for him or her or let him or her walk through before you. Say ‘excuse me’ if you need to get round someone, or if you accidentally bump into someone. 
  • Don’t just hoe into a meal the moment you get it, wait for everyone to be served before you begin eating – the only time you can eat beforehand is if the host or hostess indicates for you to begin or if you’re at a large function and several people at your large table have your food. Don’t talk with your mouth full, and chew with your mouth closed. Dining tables are for dining implements, don’t scatter your sunnies, wallet and keys across it – put them in your bag and have it sitting under the table so it doesn’t trip others up.
  • Do send thank you notes rather than emails to people who’ve taken the time to send you a present after the birth of your child, your wedding, or a special birthday. 
  • Lastly don’t interrupt someone when they’re speaking, and when they are speaking don’t be so bursting to share your thoughts that you stop listening – real conversation involves two things, talking and listening. It’s a delightfully symbiotic relationship, which creates deeper and more meaningful communication.

So are you a fan of etiquette? Have you noticed changes in etiquette as technology and times have changed? Is there anything you wish people would do more or less of? Chat away….


*Fun Fact about BR Kellie – she got A+++ in an etiquette project in Standard 4. She is still rather fond of etiquette, and is horribly embarrassed and angry with herself when she forgets to use them.

Comments

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27th September, 2015

I am a number one fan of etiquette. I was raised to have respect, manners and morals and I intend to use them and teach them to my son. A little respect and common manners go a long way and doesn't cost a thing. I have been known to use my phone in a social gathering but thats because I have anxiety and in an environment that makes me panic I need an escape. My friends and family understand this and allow me to do what I need to do to keep my panic attacks at bay. But still etiquette should be used in every situation and at all times. It doesn't surprise me Kellie that you got an A+++ in etiquette. You are one of the nicest people I have ever spoken to and have the best manners! It's refreshing to meet someone with lovely manners and respect.

26th September, 2015

All just common sense really, just be nice to people and think before you say or do something, and the phone thing drive me up the wall, it's so rude having visitors sitting there on their phones instead of talking to us.

25th September, 2015

I'm OK with someone having their phone out but people who are on them all the Time drive me nuts (I'm in this category at times too!). Ex friends used to do it and I don't think they realized how much it stifled the friendship or how much stuff their kids did that they were missing too.

25th September, 2015

First of all congratulations Kellie for getting an A++ in an Etiquette project, you are such a wonderful and caring person, of course you would've got high marks! Next it is such a refreshing article to read, there is a lot to take in but I have to agree with you all the way and most of these I try to do, times have changed so much, manners mean so much to me, and it also tells you a lot about every person you meet.

25th September, 2015

I am hit and miss on some of the above mentioned etiquette rules... some I follow very well but others I clearly need to attend proper etiquette school! At least it isn't the worst ones on the list but I do tend to pop my cell phone down on the table if I haven't carried a handbag but I never talk on the phone at the table (or text). I am a stickler for manners and have a very polite toddler who uses please and thank you without prompting (most of the time). I do interrupt a bit more than I should, and I am always late! it frustrates me no end especially when I leave for somewhere earlier than I need to. As for food stealing... simply unacceptable!

25th September, 2015

A few of these felt very familiar. I hate it when people talk on the phone in my store and I'm always telling a certain family member off for not waiting for someone else to finish talking. I also hate people's lack of ability to accurately RSVP and I blame Facebook. So many event pages have say 50 people and only 25 turn up. It does completely mess things up if you've catered for 50. Because I've seen this happen to people, I'm that really annoying person that makes you confirm to me personally even if you've already checked going on the event page.

25th September, 2015

Hmmmm, std4. Showing your age love! Had a giggle as knew it would be you in charge of writing this one. Great article, common sense really but unfortunately in this day and age the old fashioned manners have gone out the door.

While we were away it really peeved me off when children under 10 would race to get a train seat when elderly people were left standing. I'd give the parents evil looks as I'd give mine up. I can still remember my mum telling me to stand on the bus for anyone slightly older than myself.

25th September, 2015

Spot on. It drives me batty seeing and hearing people doing these things. The worst is probably having a meal with someone who's constantly engrossed in their phone, oblivious to the world around them. It's like "cool, I'll just talk to myself."

25th September, 2015

It amazes me that people need to be told these things - but in my experience, they do! Yep, got a colleague who loves her delicious fish pie, microwaves the hell out of that thing. She has been asked politely not to bring it, told rudely it honks to high heaven and begged to have mercy on us all, but it makes no difference.

25th September, 2015

Yes I am a fan of etiquette -An old one too is walking on the left on the footpath so every one has space but these days a big group takes the whole footpath and you have to squuze through - Mostly is good manners and that seems to have been forgotten.

24th September, 2015

I loved reading this, im old school and manners go a long way. Last week we had someone ring about a position available on the farm, I had never met the person and I was greeted by someone eating their tea or chewing gum so loudly I wanted to pull the phone away from my ear, then when I was explaining the job role, they cut me off mid sentence and wanted to know "how much is da pay?" I pretty much hung up the phone then and there. What is this world coming too?

24th September, 2015

Great points BR! I do get really annoyed when I'm out with a friend for lunch or dinner and they are constantly doing stuff on their phone, when I make the effort to leave it in my bag (After I've taken food photos of course!) and concentrate on catching up with them! I think we have all been guilty of the fish at work one! We always just open up the staffroom window if its a bit pongy. I think its a bit hard to ban people from bringing what they want for lunch but thats just my opinion!

24th September, 2015

Etiquette has changed so much in this modern age. I've seen so many of those things broken, by family members friends and so on. Maybe we need to bring etiquette back somehow , either through education or apps.

24th September, 2015

Technology has changed the way we communicate with people - it's becoming less personal which is sad. We celebrated my aunty's 60th not long ago and there was 1 table of people with heads bowed looking at their phones.

24th September, 2015

Oh yes, good manners and etiquette have died over my lifetime, and yet they are so attractive in a person - it's very classy. Sadly, spelling and a broad vocabulary have gone to the same graveyard. So sad.

kirstyj
24th September, 2015

Agree about spelling! I can't believe how bad some people are at spelling, and I worry about what they are teaching their children.

MareeB
24th September, 2015

I reckon - and grammar? Good Lord...bad bad bad...I really wonder about our education system.

Koni
24th September, 2015

I agree! In one of my old jobs we had to sit a test and one of the staff wrote her answes in - I kid you not - text language. Needless to say she had to redo the test. I still can't believe it.

MareeB
24th September, 2015

Really Koni? I'm shocked anyone would think to do that, but I'm probably a bit out touch.

Koni
25th September, 2015

Sadly Maree yes - the staff member didn't see anything wrong with it!

clare
25th September, 2015

Ask Kellie (this article author) about her phone call to Whitcoulls regarding their stationary/stationery ha ha

spooky40
25th September, 2015

I agree it is attractive in a person but there is so much of it missing nowadays !

spooky40
25th September, 2015

Yea ! Courteney-Jaiyah I agree with you on the education and spelling kids are shocking my boys included!

Kimrose
25th September, 2015

Good manners cost nothing! I work in retail and you would not believe how rude some people can be! I smile and hopethey have a nice day :)

MareeB
25th September, 2015

People are rude, sometimes I can't help but point it out to them!!

Sarahbeautynz
24th September, 2015

Argh, I hate that! I'm very mindful about when I have my phone out because I get a wee bit offended when I try talking to someone who then proceeds to check their phone and are quite clearly no longer listening. Makes me sad lol. Stupid phones

spooky40
25th September, 2015

Great idea! Something needs doing!

Sarahbeautynz
24th September, 2015

Exactly! You've made the effort to put your phone away and focus on the person/s sitting in front of you so it sucks when they can't do the same. Major pet peeve of mine lol

Julieal
25th September, 2015

This is so rude but you see it all the time

itsclearascrystal
25th September, 2015

That's shocking but sadly unsurprising. I had someone who after handing in their CV walked around putting down our products. Some people.

spooky40
25th September, 2015

Yea it is manners that are missing so much!

itsclearascrystal
25th September, 2015

I hate it when people bring in smelly food. And they really don't care. It's so inconsiderate.

spooky40
25th September, 2015

I had a mate like that had lol over that it's so rude!