Beauty and NBR: Bad Advice You Were Given Growing Up

   We often talk about all the good tips and words of wisdom that our moms, grandmas and elders taught us growing up and how grateful we are for how that benefited us. But there have been times when well meaning individuals have given us bad advice usually because they didn't know better.

    I'm naturally tan, I'm half asian half white. I grew up in Asia. No for those who are pale skinned this may be hard to understand but white skin and fair skin is considered beautiful there. So I started wearing sunscreen on my legs and arms, unfortunately I wasn't into moisturizing so I didn't wear it on my face. Partly because I personally didn't like having parts of my body lighter than the other and tan lines and also because I wouldn't sunbathe but in addition to that during, that time in my teens I wanted to emphasize my half white-ness. Now I don't burn as easily as a fairskinned person, also I have gotten sunburned as a kid. So pretty much me using the sunscreen set aside for only beach trips was viewed as waste since it was only designated to prevent sunburn. So I did get scolded by well meaning individuals for wasting sunscreen. I think I used it for a couple before I was really told off and starting wearing long sleeves, which wasn't comfortable but beauty was pain so I did anyways. 

    Another one was being told I didn't need to wear excercise bra since I had smaller boobs,  told to me by women with larger boobs. I do have small boobs. I used to run alot and I still like running but I do remember when started developing I found that it hurt to run without a bra. So as soon as I had an allowance I invested in some excercise bras and never looked back. I wear them everyday even under regular clothes and while I'm a miser with most of my clothing I do invest in pretty expensive excercise bras by comparison. I do need to work on getting fitted more often as I hang on my bras forever (to be fair they are in good condition) even when I do gain weight and the band size changes. 

What was some bad advice given to you by your dear elders or well meaning individuals? Can be beauty or non beauty related. Did you follow it?

The only thing that springs to mind is that my mum used to tell me to use the pot of vaseline rather than buy lip balms. These days neither of us will use vaseline on our lips. That said, I feel like I've had drier lips since I've stopped using vaseline.

You will grow out of acne ....

Took me over 30 years to grow out of acne lol. Most of the advice I got about it was not helpful at all. 

probably the advice i got from a couple of people to 'just accept the fact that you're not that pretty'. Great thing to hear when your self esteem is already fragile and you're struggling with an eating disorder.....

   Oh that sounds just downright mean Trudi. I think there would be ways to word it better in a way that that advice would actually be helpful, such as for example in my case with me wanting to be white when I was a teen, would be "You're probably never going to as fair skinned as you would like, you will look completely Asian. But there are people who do think that Asian girls are beautiful. I know it's hard to believe but there are people that try really hard to get tanned skin because they think that it's beautiful. And one day you will find people that do think you're beautiful." 

There's no way to word that so it's not offensive....

True....:-(

    Oh this one's funny. This was actually meant as a joke but I'm not good at telling when people are joking. Someone I personally respected and I still do, when I was ten years old told me the my toenails looked yellow and grubby so I should scrub them with a toothbrush and laundry soap to get them clean and light again. So for the next year, every week or twice a week I vigorously scrubbed my toenails with laundry soap, till he found out that I was doing that I found out he was joking. 
     To this day my toenails grow out cracked and split and dry and my little toenail is permanently damaged the way it grows out. I've tried moisturizing them and buffing them but my little toenail has a layered, uneven surface. I wish I knew he was joking back then. 

Trudi you are pretty. Sounds like those people might not be tho....

Tannygirl that's a terrible shame. And women of every ethnicity are beautiful :)

My mother told me I wasn't allowed to wash my hair when I had my period,  so for a week each month I had the most revolting oily hair . This actually coincided with school photos when I was at intermediate school, the most hidious photo ever. I was so embarrassed.  Unforgivable 

Trying to think back of what mum told me . Most of her home
made remedies worked well for me. I'll come back to this see if I can remember anything.

Trudi people are stupid and say things because of jealousy -I can see from your photo you have stunning eys and are really pretty . My mum was really tall for her generation and someone said to her -" No one will ever marry you !!! " She was so self conscious or her height . She was married 3 times over her life (  her husbands died - 1 from a work accident and 2 from illness ) so it shows you how cruel and stupid and wrong some people are.

Someone close to me once told me when I was a child that I would never be a ballerina because I would never be thin. I wish I hadn't listened to them and just did ballet anyway, I adore dance and really feel like I missed out by not doing what I wanted.

In saying that, good life lesson taught. Don't listen to others, listen to your heart!

thanks Maree and Julie... i've fought hard for the self esteem i have but theres still that little voice that says things like 'you're single because you're not pretty enough' thanks to people like those...

Kirsty a friend of mine won't enrol her child in ballet for fear of that exact thing - she put her in Irish dance instead and the kids LOVES it. Pet hate of mine, telling kids they're not thin enough. So wrong. I wish i'd kept going with ballet, gymnastics and trampoline gymnastics, all started when i was a kid. Even if i/we don't look like prima ballerina's now (and who cares! we're still hot :D ) we could have learned dance x

Why do we all listen to negative comments and take them to heart . A true friend will encourage you to love yourself and support you to achieve.

Why do we all listen to negative comments and take them to heart . A true friend will encourage you to love yourself and support you to achieve.

Not to wear a pale foundation because it 'washed me out'.....being so young and not very educated in the beauty area I went darker and looked orange for years hahaha. Turns out the pale colour foundations were actually my perfect match for my skin type.

  I actually remember reading that if you had to choose between too dark or too light because your shade wasn't available (and that was often the case in Asia with people trying to be paler and wearing the wrong shade) to go a shade lighter and then warm it up with bronzer. So I was wearing the wrong shade of foundation for years. I did manage to make it look okay as I took it down my neck and blended it.

   I love your new profile pic Amy. You look so youthful and fresh faced. 

Interesting thread with some very sad experiences...:(
My mother didn't "believe" (she thought it was "toxic")  in sunscreen, and I grew up in rural Canterbury out in blazing sunshine all day everyday when it was warm. I didn't start wearing sunscreen until my late 20s, and am now absolutely obsessed with skin care that can undo some of the damage. Hence I love BR and seeing what actually works and what is with the $$.
She also commented on my weight all the damn time, from a fairly young age, and would compare me to other girls and sigh, "if only you had a lovely figure like that" etc. Not surprisingly I got unhealthily obsessed with my weight, and struggle with some of that stuff to this day. I consciously make sure I don't comment on my own teenage kids'weight as a result...
Mum would also buy really expensive shampoo and consitioner for herself, but Budget brand for me, and havign fine wavy hair meant I essentially had straw for hair for years, lol. Again, my daughter gets to use whatever I'm using! (and I buy her lovely skincare products).
This list could go on.....but hey, I'm havign fun making up for some of that stuff by indulging in some nice products for my daughter and I (and son, though he really doesn't care as much!).

Wow this is a heart wrenching thread! Stay strong ladies, because you are beautiful. For me a lot of the harsh comments and bad advice came from my nana. Only used to see her about 5 times a year because she lived in a different part of the country, but goodness she could be harsh. Often commenting on food eaten, portion sizes of food, blatantly saying that I should work not to be fat. I remember once she found me crying about a boy and all she said is to stop crying because I was ruining my complexion. Once she commented (when I was a kid) that I looked like I had an adams apple and it was very unlady like. For a couple years I slept with an extra puffy pillow hoping that having my head at an angle would push the bump of my neck back in! 

   I really feel for you KiwiLass, I hope you find something that really helps to take away the sun damage or can treat yourself to laser or something. But you're such a good role model for your kids, indulging them in a good skincare.

   JessB you look really pretty in the pics. 

Oh kiwilass that some advice there. Yes my son and partner don't care about brands as well. They would wash themselves with bar of soap for hair and body. But my daughter is Lushie like me . I just got her some more hello kitty sprays today she'll be very happy . 


Oh Jess I've seen your past selfies on the wall . Your very beautiful. I can relate to your experience. 

Thanks Tannygirl and Macs! Very sweet of you :) :) 

Oh JessB I'm so glad to hear gran lived so far away - 5 times a year would've been more than enough. Unfortunately some people think their comments are helpful. My mother came into the maternity annex a few days after my cesaerean and told me I should get working to get rid of my pot stomach!! way to rob me of the joy of having my firstborn! it was more about her having such an aversion to weight, and having an eating disorder herself, so I was kind-of used to it and didn't take it too personally (she says 25 years later and remembering it word for word!!).