By BR Tabatha
The Passive Aggressive. The Humblebrag. The Vaguebooker.
Those are my top three most unfavourite kinds of Facebook friends. Why? We’ll get into that soon enough. Seriously though, it’s like Facebook can bring out the best and the worst in people. I love Facebook for keeping an eye on my friend’s comings and goings. I like seeing pictures of their little ones growing up, I enjoying seeing their holiday snaps on tropical islands while I’m shivering in my boots. I love seeing the highs, and even though I don’t like seeing their lows, (because who likes seeing their friends go through bad times?!) I’m glad to be given the opportunity to reach out and offer my support. But there are some people who just take it all a bit too far.
The Passive Aggressive. You know the type, the friend on Facebook who’s got their knickers in a twist over something someone has said or done, but instead of approaching the person for a chat they instead post quotes about what friends ‘should’ do, according to them anyway. The Vaguebooker. This one does my head in. They’re the people who post things like, ‘I just don’t think it’s worth it’. ‘I just want it to end’. The kind of posts that scream ‘I’m in pain! Pay attention to me.’ So you do because you genuinely care, but then they either don’t accept your help, can’t, or simply don’t want to – because the next week, and the week after that you see the same ‘cry for help I’m never going to accept’ posts again. And after a while it becomes a case of the boy who cried wolf and you stop caring and start eye rolling.
The Oversharer. I once saw a relationship break up over Facebook. There was cheating, there were fisticuffs, there were children involved. It was nasty. And my stream was filled with the latest updates on who was doing what. I wish I’d known about the unfollow button back then, or maybe it didn’t exist? Either way, dirty laundry should be hung up indoors, not out for the online world to see.
The Constant. This one may actually be worse than The Oversharer. Every hour is a new post talking about what they are doing. ‘What’s On Your Mind?’ Facebook asks. Tabatha is hungry. Tabatha went for a walk. Tabatha is at work. Tabatha had a Marmite sandwich for lunch. Tabatha is thinking she might have a cup of tea. Tabatha liked her cup of tea. You get the picture…
The Humblebrag. There’s a Twitter profile (twitter.com/humblebrag) dedicated to calling out Humblebraggers, people who try to let you know how amazing they are in the most modest way possible. They say things like, ‘Got asked for ID at the supermarket again. So annoying. It’s so hard looking so young.’ The thing is, I think a humblebrag appears disingenuous, I’d rather a fellow Facebooker just say how amazing they were, be straight up, say something like, ‘man it’s great getting asked for ID at the supermarket, thanks for the good genes, mum’. And because we’re friends I’ll ‘like’ your post and probably call you a lucky cow.
The Thoughtless. Seriously, did you think posting a picture of the world’s biggest spider/pimple/injury was a great idea in a world full of people who hate spiders/gross stuff? Could you not have linked to it instead so people had a choice as to whether they looked at it or not? Worse than that, ‘friends’ who post pictures of themselves with you where they look like a Victoria’s Secret model and you look like something that crawled out from beneath a bridge. Not cool.
The Lyricist. If you have one of these you’ll know what I’m talking about. A person who only ever posts song lyrics. I just don’t get it. Is it meant to tell me your state of mind? What you’re up to? Your hopes or dreams? Because if that were the case then write ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ and follow it up with why… because I wouldn’t want to accuse you of being a Vaguebooker, but please don’t write ‘Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down’ or ‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake him off’ unless it relates to something happening with you that we all need or will want to know about.
The Syncer. I follow different people on different social media because I get different things out of each. Facebook is for friends and family. Instagram tends to be followers of things I like. Twitter, well, that’s just for the fun of watching this mad world we live in pass by in one great muddled conversation. Every now and then though these worlds collide and the odd person will be part of all three types of social media, and the worst thing they can do? Sync their accounts. Seeing the same thing in triplicate is just boring. The very least you can do is change up the caption. Sheesh.
The Sucker. Or maybe I should call this The Gullible? That’s the person who feels compelled to share every single warning post about Facebook and their impingement on your privacy. The person who doesn’t look into anything that to you or I would seem sensationalistic and believes everything at face value then proceeds to freak out about it on Facebook. To be honest, as someone with a touch of gullibility, I feel for these people more than anything, having egg on your face is hard, and the only time it should be there is when you’re wearing a homemade facemask.
The Gamer. OK, I like a bit of gaming on Facebook. Sometimes it’s nice to stare mindlessly at a screen. But I have one rule, a rule I decided on after being invited to play slot machines a million times over and rejecting every one. Never ask people who are not signed up to the game to give me lives or help. They’re not interested. If they were they’d be signed up. If they were no longer interested they’d uninstall the app. It’s called courtesy people, and I’m a big fan of it.
So there goes my latest diatribe. Do you have pet Facebook hates? Are you guilty of any of the above?
Hahaha omg when I was younger I was 'The Lyricist' opps! :P