I have been working in the industry for over half of my life. I help you find new confidence when relationships breakdown. I turn you from mother-of-a-newborn into a yummy mummy. I chop and I colour until you find the person you want to be. I listen to your life stories without judgement and I never break your confidence.
So why on earth do so many of you seemingly go out of your way to irritate me?! Ok maybe that's harsh. Maybe you don't go out of your way, but how can you not realise you're genuinely one of the most annoying clients in the world?!
Here's the 10 clients no hairdresser wants, but we all deal with weekly.
- The one who underestimates. Just a trim. No hunny, what you're asking for is a restyle. And I'm fully booked after your 'trim' appointment slot.
- The one with unrealistic expectations. Well Kim went blonde. Yes she did. But I can guarantee she did not go blonde in one 2 hour appointment. Trust me.
- The one who brings her children. They're normally so well behaved. No, you have spawned mini-demons. Leave them at home next time. Unless you want to clean the smear prints off of the 25 mirrors in the shop.
- The one without a schedule. Sorry I'm Late. Sorry I only had time to do half a haircut? Didn't think so, no it's fine, I'll work through my lunch because you don't own a watch.
- The one who doesn't plan ahead. So you don't have any appointments left today? Not unless we go back in time and book you in for today.
- The one who needs a mindreader. I'm not sure what I want exactly. Did the dog eat your homework?! Come on, work with me, you made the appointment, something must have inspired it?
- The one who tells all. I have a picture of the birth. No, no. Please no. I'm also only pretending to care about your friend and her annoying habits.
- The one who flinches. Oh my god, water just touched my forehead. Seriously woman, stop squinting your eyes, I'm washing your hair, not waterboarding you. I'm also only taking the scissors to your hair, not your ears. And it's just hairspray. It's not noxious gas.
- The one who wants free stuff. Could you just...? Sure I can add some more foils, but that'll make it a full head, not half. No sweetie, your arse length hair will not cost the same to colour as your friends chin length bob Sure I'll trim your fringe for free. I mean we last cut the rest of your hair, what, a year ago?
- The one who complains after. I just wasn't happy last time. You know if things aren't looking how you thought, tell me, I won't be offended and I'll try to remedy it. Please don't get your husband to call up after. Or bad mouth me on review sites. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't fix it!
I will finish this diatribe by saying I am of course talking about the minority, the majority of clients (like you, I'm sure) would never commit these crimes
And so, until next time, I will sign off this edition of Salon stories you won't believe with three ominous words.
To be continued...
*The experiences in this article are the cumulation of conversations with NZ hairdressers. The experiences reported are real. Names has been hidden to protect the identity of the stylists, their salons and mostly, their clients. Innocent or otherwise.