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Biological clock - probably NBR

29 posts, 15 members
mallomiss
569 posts
My previous thread & mentioning being clucky got me thinking... 

Why on earth am I so clucky??!! 

I actually never wanted children to be honest, have ended up with 2 haha; I would'nt give them back for anything though....

After my last one (almost 4 years) was born I made the decision to not have any more....

BUT....

Now I'm just so clucky & I'm getting the urge for another.. 

I keep getting a yearning whenever I see a baby or hear that someone is pregnant.

I turned 32 the other day so I'm wondering if it's an age thing. Is my biological clock getting to me? 
Has anyone else had this? 

Does it go away as you get older? 
SooziesWorld
2999 posts
Yes! I went through this in my 30s and seen a colleague go through it recently too. I was ready to jump on a plane and adopt a baby from China in my late 30s! I think the ticking gets louder as your fertility gets lower with age. My theory is its natures way of telling you to get on with it before it's too late. Well, I never did adopt that baby from China and I couldn't think of anything worse than having a baby in my 40s. I just would not have the energy for it. I don't know if working with kids (teenagers though, can't stand small children lol) has taken care of any maternal instinct I had left lol. So yes, my ticking definitely stopped and now I can't wait to get the menopause over and done with lol. 
RamblingRose
1280 posts
I've never wanted to have children (I don't have any) and have never felt clucky, although there have been a few moments where I've wondered how different my life would be with children in it, I've never regretted my decision not to have them.  

I'm in my late 30s and still don't feel clucky, although I have a friend who's 34 and she's got two little boys (aged 7 & 8) and she's always sworn that she won't have another and yet she's feeling clucky and been thinking about what it would be like to have a little girl, for at least a year now. 

I agree that it must be the biological clock's alarm bells that sets off these feelings and reminds us that its our last chance to have children before fertility beings to wane and perimenopause starts.
mallomiss
569 posts
Ohh I'm so jealous of your non-children lives! 
I often dream of what my life may look like without my terrors haha 

Honestly I do love them! 

Not sure if I would have the energy for another one.. I'm all about getting my career sorted too. However my Partner does want kids of his own (he's 9 years younger than me) & I feel I kind of should help him with that...
MareeB
5239 posts
I never wanted children either, and had 2 unplanned in my thirties. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason though.

I think our hormones can play a few tricks on us - perimenopause brought some strong maternal feelings, possibly because it's last chance saloon for having a choice in having any more biological children without scientific intervention. I love babies, but I'd rather leave the having of them and the raising of them, to other people :)
Sarahbeautynz
1031 posts
Just think of the sleepless nights! Haha.

Don't listen to me, I have no clue. I'm nearly 28 and this mystical maternal instinct has never kicked in, I doubt it ever will, but I guess you can never say never! If I ended up having a kid I would look after it, love it etc, but I have no desire to and at this point would really prefer not to lol.
Macs
5351 posts
I never wanted children . But since I have them Theyve brought me so much joy. Funny because yesterday my two have been asking for a baby. Im not ready at the moment. We started talking about names. I wanna run with the C'z I got going. If I did I hope to have a stable income. My uncle once told me Children are never mistakes, they are our future. Worth more than anything money could buy. 
I believe you'll know when the time is right for you . 
trudijoy
8375 posts
I've always seen myself as being a parent, but lately it's become clear to me that for me, personally, in order to parent, I don't necessarily need to grow a baby. Adoption, fostering, step-parenting etc all sound equally good to me. So saying, if I get pregnant, I'll become a parent that way.

No shade thrown at people who don't feel the same way, it's just personally, I'd be okay with any of it.
mallomiss
569 posts
I think that's great Trudi! 
There is a lack of good people wanting to foster or adopt.

I see fostering becoming a reality for me when my kids are older. I love to help make a difference in people's lives & like I said there's a lack of good foster parents in this country.
Ataraxia
82 posts
I'm 26 and feel way too selfish and self-centred to even really consider having a child at this point in my life. I grew up in a single parent home so being the eldest child a lot of "parenting" type duties fell on me so maybe that has something to do with it? 
I think having a mental illness has made me a bit more cautious of what I could genetically pass on to a child and my mother was adopted as a baby so I think adoption would be a better option for me if I ever do decide to become a parent.
ragingfrog
1289 posts
Parenting is not for everyone. You  are influenced by your circle of friends as well. My main circle of friends don't have kids and no intention of having them. I don't have kids and haven't really planned on it in the future, Number 7254 will be an awesome father/sperm donor is the current theory. I still feel too selfish for kids, while a friend thinks I would be a great single parent. I would rather be the cool aunty that takes them to their first beauty treatment, than dealing with diapers.

Of my friends those that have them, most the kids when I associated with them could all hold a conversation, a couple have had babies since I have known them so the kids know me as "aunty". I have seen a friend who never wanted children to become a doting parent when her partner gave birth to their son. I have seen a friend have another 2 kids since we met. I have ok'd being a guardian for that friend's children if something happens to her so she knows that someone that cares for her kids will treat them equally rather than someone who will put her own kids first. 

I have seen friends do the fostering option when they had kids of their own as well and things turned out ok over all. As it was long term fostering they were a little heartbroken to see the kids go when they had to leave. I have a friend who grew up in the system and she never wants that for her kids, nieces and nephews to experience, so she took her nieces when they were removed from their mum and does her best with all of them.

Some are naturally caring and mothering comes naturally to them. Others adapt well and become great parents. Some don't adapt at all for any number of reasons.  Also growing older doesn't always equate with growing up, I still behave as if in my 20's rather than my actual age.  
Rezee
1964 posts
I get major cluckiness every time I see little babies, my friend has a 7 week old and he is just too dang cute!
I already have four though and we have taken permanent measures to make sure there will be no more.
I'm 29 so I still have a long time of feeling clucky to go I guess. Sometimes I wonder how I would be if I had no children at this age, I was kind of thrust into motherhood by getting pregnant at 19 so I've never gone through the stage of starting to think about starting a family. Obviously at 19, I wasn't really at that stage yet.
What I enjoy about this generation, is that it is ok for women to not be obsessed with having babies and that it's ok to not want any at all.
SooziesWorld
2999 posts
Rezee, I would say it's starting to become more acceptable not to have children. However, I still get asked why I don't have kids and didn't I want kids? Which I find incredibly rude. I've never asked anyone why they have kids. People don't stop to think there may be deeply personal reasons you don't have kids such as medical reasons which you don't want to discuss with casual acquaintances. This is a bug bear amongst my friends who don't have kids. 
Macs
5351 posts
I think your right Reeze. My sister 45 with no kids. Has no plans for them.  Although I saw my sister go through hell from family about it. Not everyone wants a partner and children and that ok. 
MrsLissy
301 posts
I went through my early 20s thinking I didn't ever want to have children, then I got married and I had a sudden desire to have a baby. Nature helped out and my mini pill failed and hey guess what I became a mummy. While it was earlier than we planned it's been good and I wouldn't give him back (let's face it he wouldn't fit back where he came from!) We will probably have another one at some point (I really would love a girl) but I don't think I'm mentally prepared for that yet. It's bloody hard work and definately not for everyone. A childfree life seems so appealing at times and I would never think less of anyone who decided not to have kids. 
Sarahbeautynz
1031 posts
You're totally right Soozie! I think it's becoming more common for women to express the fact that they don't want kids, but it's definitely not accepted by many.

The comments and questions I get are insane sometimes. People be cray. Once I get a fur baby I'll just start saying that I have a baby :)
SooziesWorld
2999 posts
Sarah, I tell people I have a son who's five. Then when they look surprised, I say yes, he has four legs and a tail lol. You should see their faces then!
chikoboo
3402 posts
I'm 34 and get incredibly clucky however I had that option of having my own babies taken away from me after going through a hell of 4-5 years of trying and losing I found out I am unable to carry, can make them just can't keep them so I tried to fill that empty feeling with a cat, then another cat, then a dog, and another one but there is still that empty feeling and at times it turns me a little bitter and resentful to other people, especially those who just get pregnant to be lazy and don't actually look after their children properly. 

Recently we have talked about adoption but due to culture in NZ of people taking their children into the extended family circle rather than offering up for adoption we are looking internationally and have the clogs in motion so one day if fates allow I will have those big beautiful eyes of a child look to me for protection, guidance and love, because boy do I have heaps of that to offer one.  It also feels somewhat responsible to take a child who has no love and add them to our family that has heaps of it to offer. 
Rezee
1964 posts
Oh I guess in my head it was more commonly accepted :( I think there are people out there who will make rude comments no matter what, some people have no filter at all.I can totally see the appeal of having no kids! I wouldn't change my life but when I have my hard moments I wonder what it would be like to be in my 20s and do what I want to do instead.Kirsty, that is amazing of you. You'll be a great mum one day.
SooziesWorld
2999 posts
Rezee, I don't think people even realise it's a rude thing to ask and it's not just people with no filter. To me it just shows that it is more common these days but still not that acceptable if people feel the need to ask. 

I agree, you will an amazing mum Kirsty! I hope the adoption process goes smoothly for you. 
Sarahbeautynz
1031 posts
Haha I suspect I'll be spinning a similar story, Soozie!

I don't mind people asking me why I don't want them, I guess at the end of the day most women do still want them so people are curious. It's only when people try to tell me I'll change my mind, or that I don't know what I want that I'm like errrrrr whut. And with that you're probably right Renee, some people just don't have filters or boundaries, so they're likely offending people from all walks of life lol.

 
Shana_Banana84
567 posts
I was wondering why I keep going backwards and forwards with wanting then not wanting another baby.  I thought it was just me.  It makes me feel less weird that it's my body telling me time will be up in a couple years time.  I had my one and only child at 24 and am now 31 so I think I have completed my family.  I never wanted kids ever but I am happy I have one all the same.  My husband is quite alot older than me, he's 46 and has two adult children so children for him now is a no go.  He feels he is too old.  Although I would love to have our own child together, I know that I am in love with the idea not actually doing it. 
Macs
5351 posts
I wish you luck with your plans for your adoption Kirsty. Its true in nz their trying to keep children within a circle of extended family. Part of that Family group Conference plan that Cyf have.  I think going international is ideal because you have no ties with the family. Really have a fresh path paved for your child. 
Farmers-Wife
2052 posts
Kirsty you will make an amazing mum!

Shana banana a good friend of ours is 46 and they just had a wee boy.

We can't have our own kids and looked into surrogate options and I didn't really feel comfortable with all the costs and the huge amount of trust involved. I already have 2 older ones that luv my hubby like a dad and vise versa. Now we have made heaps of friends in the area we can just go and do stuff at a drop of a hat. Be a bit hard going away on Harley trips with a baby or 2 attached to us
MareeB
5239 posts
Good for you Kirsty, that's amazing. It would be good to have someone document your whole process, as I don't think people generally understand what a massive, expensive, and difficult process it is to adopt children from overseas. Its a shame you can't adopt a kiwi kid, no matter what the current culture is around chilldren in NZ, there are thousands out there who could desperately do with a decent home and a decent upbringing.
trudijoy
8375 posts
When I was in Guangzhou we stayed at a hotel which is frequently the place Americans stay at when they go over to adopt baby girls. . . That was 14 years ago now and i can still see the sheer joy on the parents faces and remember how amazingly powerful this was for them. Thats probably the moment i really understood how incredible that can be
chikoboo
3402 posts
Thanks everyone I've been researching for a while and it is expensive but will totally be worth it. I plan on documenting in a dedicated blog the journey once things start to become more in motion. If you know me you know how ocd about lists and notes I am. Already have a dedicated notebook for this journey hehe.
MareeB
5239 posts
I'll be watching with interest and I offer you my deeply heartfelt best wishes.
Chaotic82
522 posts
I totally understand the cluckiness! 
We have 3 boys, the decision to have any more has been taken out of my hands (I was told that if I tried to have any more we would both die) so hubby has had the snip.  I don't know if it's that the decision is no longer mine or if I would've always wanted more - but I really do.
One day we plan to foster children, but we need a bigger house for that - if it's meant to be it will work out that way :)

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