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Stay Away From Your Va-Jay-Jay!

23 October, 2017 - 09:01pm by - Head Pixie | 18 Comments

By BR Tabatha

Every now and then, well actually, on a rather regular basis, beauty trends pop up that having us scratching our heads and thinking 'what the? are you for real? are you for sure?'. Sometimes it's a nail look that befuddles us. Other times it's an eyebrow styling. Most recently it was the case of putting a peeled cucumber in your va-jay-jay. Now, we're all for you do you, but there are times that we think certain areas of our bodies just need to be left in peace. Our lady cavern being one of them.

So what was the purpose of a 'cucumber cleanse' as it is so charmingly called? To make your inner lady area all clean and fresh, of course. 

Which is stupid. Daft. Ridiculous. As explained why in this article from Dr Jen Gunter

The thing is the vagina is a self-cleaning orifice. And on the whole it does an excellent job of maintaining its good bacteria and keeping its PH level happy - however that balance can easily be messed with, especially if you're going on exploratory missions with things not designed to be used in that area. 

So we got to thinking, perhaps it's a good time to have a chat about what our vaginas are not receptacles for because there's a whole lot of information out there on the interwebs and some of it isn't vag-friendly...

Cucumbers. Clearly.

In fact any fruit or vegetable should be kept well away. The only hole they should go in? Your mouth hole. 

Douching is out. Yes, we can see how the idea of cleaning up there could be of interest - but once again, whether you're using water or a cleanser, douching can mess with the natural PH level, and that makes vagina's grumpy. And grumpy vaginas can become itchy, sore, yeasty... you get the picture. Yes, you can clean your vulva - but consider that cavern of pleasure off limits. 

Steam. Yeah, yeah, Gwyneth did it. But then Gwyneth's website GOOP also ran an article about the benefits of putting a Jade egg up your hoo-haa in order to clear your chi pathways, which more power to you if you're into it - but I've a healthy dose of skepticism going on about that particular concept. Back to steam... just don't. Why? Because once again it could turn that good bacteria bad.

Erotic food stuffs. Yes, the idea of chocolate and cream and honey and whatnot can be fun if you want to mix things up... but the vagina is not the place to be serving up that particular delight.

Things that are not specifically designed for vaginal pleasure. Sure, it buzzes. Sure, it's right there. Back away from the temptation and go order a proper device from an online pleasure shop. 

Vaseline. Oils. Yeah, sometimes we may need a little help in the lubrication area, but once again you don't want to mess with that PH level - so get yourself a good water-based lube (which is less likely to mess with a condom, bonus!) and have fun.

Of course there are times that our downstairs operation may get a little extra scented than its usual womanly aroma - this can be caused by the food you've eaten, sweat, even where you're at during your monthly cycle, BUT... if you do catch a whiff of something unpleasant? And it's been daaaaaaays and it's not going away? It's time to have a chat with a member of the medical profession. Ongoing aromas of the smelly variety can be caused for a variety of reasons, including an infection or a sexually transmitted disease - and ain't nobody got time for that.

So have you ever been tempted to try a lady bits trend? Will you be avoiding the cucumber cleanse? Or are you a fan of leaving your wonderland to do its thing without any help from your good self?  Chat away...

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That is so wrong

Great article, thankyou

Prefer to leave it be -cucumbers are for eating .

Hahaha that is nasty

Haha nope I'll stick to eating cucumbers.

me too although they are also good in facials

24th October, 2017 at 9:01 am

They definitely are great on the eyes to

28th October, 2017 at 10:11 pm

Hahahahahahaaahahahahahahahha omfg im giggling my backside off!! Cucumber cleanse... honestly. ..

I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a cucumber cleanse but yeah not going to try that!

Sex ed 101 and I guess some people skipped that class.

Oh lord... I'm going to struggle to look at cucumbers the same after that information!! Just no!!!

Ha! Ha ! What next eh ?

24th October, 2017 at 9:02 am

I tend to not go near trends anyway. The cucumber cleanse takes the whole cake lol no thank you, no food item is to enter the netheryayers!

I didn't know there was a cucumber cleanse.

Never heard of these trends. It's a joke. I did see a really hilarious Youtube vid someone made a few years back about steaming that area.


24th October, 2017 at 2:23 pm

It didn't appear painful to her, it was just funny. She was making fun of the V-steam.

24th October, 2017 at 4:46 pm

Don't clean it unless there is good reason to

Products & articles suggesting such things make me very angry, leave us women alone and stop prying on insecurities. We need more articles like this one - No No NO!!

No but I like Vajazling


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