I need advice!!!

Evening ladies! Not sure if this is appropriate to post here so apologies if not, but I need some advice from my beauty babes!! I'm getting a couple of very small tattoos tomorrow morning on my wrist as a present to myself for my birthday. BUUUUUT I have not told my very anti-tattoo mother! My question is- should I tell her before or after I get them done? I know she will be upset- but its my skin and they have a lot of meaning for me. I was thinking of writing her a letter but am just not sure how to go about it. I'm more scared about telling her than how much its gonna hurt!! What would you do if you were in my situation? And if you have any tips for before and after that would be much appreciated!! <3 xxx

my dad isn't a big fan of body modification and my piercings (which are actually really subtle) got him going a bit, but he got over it and barely noticed them after a while.

This is it. It's your body and you're an adult. Any issue anyone else has with it, even your parents, is their issue. I'm holding off my tattoo for a while but will eventually have it done - it's more or less designed but i'm still thinking about placement options, and because I was back and forth to Japan for work I needed to be a bit careful because tattoos are pretty much all connected to the yakuza (mafia) over there... not a good look when you're over as an educational expert and meant to be prim and proper haha

oh and if you want to tell her before, if you think that would soften it, it might be an idea. 'Mum, I know you're not the biggest fan of tattoos but I have decided that these designs mean so much to me that I'd like them to stay with me forever' or something like that. Don't apologise though. You're not doing anything wrong.

thaks babe! Yeah thats good advice saying not to apologise . I think if I tell her my reasoning it might help her to understand! Hopefully it won't take her too long to get over it haha

That sounds like good advice Trudi. I had to go to elaborate lengths to hide my tattoo in Japan (it's on my shoulder) and had to sign an agreement when I joined a gym stating I didn't have one. Nowadays I teach kids with more and much larger tattoos than mine. Some get taken to the tattooist by a parent when they turn 16. 

a friend got kicked out of the onsen for her tattoo Soozie.... she had tweety bird on her butt.

Lol, Trudi. I used to get away with it at onsens by keeping my modesty towel over my shoulder. Also dermablend concealer at the gym if using the swim in pool. What a pain. 

I agree beforehand is probably better. Good luck :)

Oh wow, I had no idea Japan was like that with tattoos!
I have 3. My dads not a fan of tatts but I just don't go round showing him. I guess he's never been openly hateful about them but if he was, I'd just say I'm an adult and I can choose what I want for my own body.

My Grandfather is anti Tattoos & Piercings on Women - he's a bit old'school I guess haha! 

I have many Piercing & 5 Tats, he didn't speak to me for a couple of months when I got my first Piercing & wouldn't look at my face until I took my Labret one out.

He wasn't happy about my Tats but got over it in the end. He even admitted that my Bicep one is pretty last Xmas!

I'm really of the opinion that it's my body & I can do what I like to it. 

My Partner isn't all that keen on me getting any more, I've had a conversation with him about 'if he loves me then he'll just have to deal with it' I want to be about 50% covered. 
He's now looking into getting me some vouchers for my next birthday! WIN!

Sorry this isn't really advice - I hope your Mum understands. Good luck!

Post pics on the Photo Wall of them!! 
  
 

Beforehand is probably best, definately no need to apologise :) - at least if you say something beforehand you'll go in knowing you've already told her ..good luck

I have a tattoo of four stars on my lower stomach. I got it when I was 18 and still absolutely love it. So good on you for deciding what you want!

My parents weren't particularly keen on tattoos either but I knew what I wanted. So I actually didn't tell them till afterwards. I didn't want anyone to talk me out of getting it. My Mums first reaction was "How are you going to get a professional job with a tattoo?"... I explained to her if a job required me to show my stomach they wouldn't mind me having a tattoo! :P Now as they don't see it very often (if at all) nobody has mentioned it since. 

So I don't really have any advice for you other than you will know what is right, and you will find your own way of telling her eventually :) ... but just make sure you tell her before she notices and goes "whats that!?!"

Hi there, 

I have two tattoos. Ones my mums name on my arm which is a coverup. The other is a bird on my other arm represents my marae. 

My mum wasnt a fan of tattoos other than Ta moko.Some good advice from the ladies. Talking about it over cofee is probably what I would do. 

I've been very vocal with my sons about my dislike of tattoos. They have negative connotations to me (even though I have one and have had a couple removed - my sons were never exposed to the type of lifestyle I grew up in, lucky for them). It sounds hypocritical, but I really don't like them, so whether they told me before or after getting them it wouldn't make any difference. I would be very disappointed.

My mum is not a fan of tattoos either but I have 2 so far. She respects that it's my body and that I'm wise enough to choose things that are meaningful to me in some way. She doesn't like them but is accepting that it's my choice. I don't really have any advice on how to talk to your mum but I just wanted to say that you need to do what makes you happy. I hope that the session goes well and that they're even more amazing than you expect them to be. 

My perspective from both sides, my family really disapprove of tattoos and I have always chickened out of getting one because of this and it is something I do regret. I still carry that not wanting to disappoint feeling with me, but I have decided to get a tattoo and I'm not going to let anyone know beforehand, nor am I going to explain afterwards. 
I am also the mother of young adults and teenagers, two of whom either want tattoos or piercings. My take on that is that I won't give my permission for them whilst they are not of legal age or appropriate age to get it done without my authorisation. When they are of age to make their own decisions and are able to fund it themselves, then it is their decisions. I am struggling with the types of piercings my just turned 15 year old daughter is talking about and trying very hard not to be overly disapproving. I am secretly hoping with maturity will come a change of mind and she wants to be slightly more conservative. I have decided that even if this doesn't happen, it's up to me to deal with my feelings over her decisions and not express disapproval in a harsh judging way as I know the impact this has.

So my questions to you, that may help you decide what your plan of action might be, is 
if you tell your mum beforehand and she is still very anti tattoos, are you prepared to still go ahead and get the tattoos and can you handle the feelings that will arise from doing something you know she disapproves of? Or can you just get the tattoos you want without seeking others input and let these others have to deal with any issues and feelings that arise and choose to not let their approval/ disapproval affect how you feel about your decision?
 

I have about 20 tattoos and I used to hide them from The Mummy. Or so I thought...

One day when I was about 20 she said 'so when you get your next one can I watch'. She did and next thing I know she's booking herself in for a 2 hour sitting the following week!

Turns out she'd always wanted one, didnt want to disappoint her mum and then at 42 decided to go for it!

So I learned two things ... People might surprise you and The Mummy knows everything.

I'm loving hearing everyone's stories in relation to tattoos! Hope everything is gone smoothly for you jalb88

Thanks for all your stories and advice ladies ! I wrote mum a letter last night and showed it to Dad this morning. He fully understood my point of view and I gave it to her before I went. It didn't go very well. She told me I'm not going to get a job and that I am deforming my body and that it's going to take a long time for her to forgive me. I feel like I'm still looked at like a child even though I'm 25 !!! I took one of my best friends with me and it went so much better than I thought - didn't hurt like I thought it would although I fainted after hahaha. But I love them ! I got the word love on my wrist and a small cross further round on the side ! Def keen to get a few more now I know what it's like :)

I'm glad you did it even after those reactions x

I am a mum and don't like tattoos . What I would suggest is think really carefully before you have it done as there are so many people who regret it later.What seems to mean a lot today could be an embarrasment tomorrow. Yes it is your skin but tattoos are hard painful things to get rid of so be sensible before you do it.

I think it's great that you stuck to what you wanted even if there were people opposing your choice. I'm sure you considered it carefully so I'm all for those tattoos! 

Congrats on the tatt! As a body mod fan myself coming from a conservative family, my tips for anyone having some conflict about their Tatts or piercings is to remind the people involved that:
- you are an adult, and you have thought it through carefully
- yes, you are aware it might look bad when you're older!
- you can financially afford it
-you're getting it done by an experienced artist at a clean, hygienic, safe professional place
- you can and will take responsibility and care for it
- you're not getting anything stupid or regrettable, you know like a big swear word on your face or something. If you work in a conservatively dressed job, assure them it can be covered or discreet and won't affect you career wise.
-most of all, you're doing it because YOU want to, and it might mean a lot to you for whatever reason. If you were doing it just to be trendy or attract a "cool guy" etc then that's not a good reason, but most of us get them for a genuine love of them.

hope this helps if anyone is ever in the situation to have to justify their choice, I've been getting piercings since 15, Tatts since 18 and have made both bad and good choices, so this is just two cents from my personal lessons

Are you the youngest child by any chance? I wonder if the baby of the family is always looked at as the baby even when they are older and can make their own adult decisions! lol, I'm the eldest and I'm sure my parents didn't care as much what I did. Like I was pregnant at 19 and my parents were fine. My sister had her first child at 26 this year and mum was saying she was young to me. I had to say, come on, I had my fourth at 26!  And this is so rambly and won't make any sense if you're not the youngest.  I'm blaming a few drinks last night and not enough sleep!

Haha Rezee I am the youngest- I think theres some truth in that - I wonder what mums reaction would be if my older brother got one... I def thought it through before I got it and it has a lot of meaning to me- I know I won't ever want it removed and don't think its big or offensive enough to warrent me not getting another job in the future !! I think in this day and age tattoos are more accepted and not seen as a taboo or offensive thing to have like they were in my parents day! Luckily I have a really supportive father who understands why I got what I did ! Love hearing all your stories and opinions ladies - you guys are truely awesome!! 

Congrats on getting a tattoo! Some really good stories in here too, I feel for you as your mum didnt take it well, I really hope she comes around, (sending you hugs)

When I was 18 I moved out of home and I got a tattoo which my mum did not like at all, she sat me down and gave me a big lecture about it. Fast forward it to a few days ago and she got some fresh ink done!

I really hope your mum comes around xxx

Thanks sweets! I'm living at home at the moment so its a bit difficult as shes still angry :( moving into a house sit next week so will be good for us both to have some space! I wonder how long it will take her to get over it :S

Good on you for taking the plunge. I want a tattoo, but I don't know whether i'll ever end up with one. Mainly due to I can't decide what I want and the other reason is my family are quite against them. Good luck with the move next week too :)

Oh no! She is still mad! I hope your staying strong <3

I hope she comes around, she cant be angry forever, your her baby girl :)

She will get over it. If she doesn't, she needs to grow up and think about what is really important to her.

Tattoos are incredibly common now - I know an almost 80 year old woman who got one recently.

I have a lot of tattoos and I also have a respected job in my industry.
I cover mine for work but lucky for me my family and friends are very accepting of them.

Hopefully your mum will come around, ask her to respect your decision to embrace something that means a lot to you.

a lot of people are quite shocked when they see my tattoos as they can't believe I have so many or any at all.
you will find soooo many people have tattoos these days anyway :)

she will probably forget or grow to the idea-I know my family members have and love them now!! xx

oh dear, hopefully she'll be ok soon! I can't help but 'baby' my baby so I think most mums are the same!

Rezee - my grandmother was in her 60's and 70's and her mum still called her baby, I was at primary school. I think that when it is your youngest they will always be "baby".

Jalb88 - sounds like a nice tattoo and I hope your mum comes round for you. Perception of tattoo's have changed over the years and people are more accepting of them to an extent but some people don't like them and there are still jobs out there that don't like them. Remember the AirNZ debarcle in the paper over a person's tattoo on her forearm.

I don't have any tattoos and don't want any, unless they're temporary for fun. I must be a bit odd to some people for not having or wanting tattoos or any piercings other than my earlobes. I would do my belly button, but I don't like how long it would take for it to heal or the pain or that it will stretch out if I get preggers or gain weight. But don't have anything against people getting them. My parents weren't too keen on my siblings getting them but they accept that it's their body and once they're old enough to make their own decision.

Aw thanks ladies!! Its been just over a week since I got my tats. Needless to say mums still not happy but its my body and my choice :) Everyone at work thinks they are really pretty and they aren't huge so I don't think they would cause offence! I might have a bit of a break to let mum get used to them before I get more haha- yes I heard they are addictive :p I think everyone has a right to self expression whether it be piercings or tattoos and as long as its not something rude or offensive why not! Its been interesting getting used to them but I'm really happy and love that I was able to make a choice that was all about me rather than worrying about what others think and not getting them like I did 7 years ago! Once they are fully healed I'll see if I can upload a pic on the wall :) xx

Oh dear! She's being a bit extreme really. If you had gotten face ones or something masdive and offensive I could understand her point but it just seems silly to me. Enjoy your tatt! She'll hopefully get over it one day, you can't please your parents at the detriment of your own happiness. 

My Mum used to be totally anti tattoo, but after her sister passed away she went and got one by way of dedication to my Aunty.  I know thats not quite the same thing but I think that if you tell her beforehand and say why it means so much for you to do, she will have to respect that.  I think if you hide it from her, it will just make things worse.  But I agree with what Trudi said, and that it is your body and you are an adult and shouldn't have to ask for her permission.  

All the best with whatever you decide hun xx