By BR Tabatha
What did we do before the internet? How did we survive in a world where we only hung out with the same group of people and were then subjected to the same stories and brand of humour every single day of our lives...
Yeah, I'm being way too harsh. I'm sure life was good. Great even. But I can't imagine life without the great big world with all its magnificent human beings (and yes, a fair share of donkeys too) getting together virtually and having a laugh or a chat about whatever takes their interest or gets their grind on. The amount of smiles it brings me, the amount of laughs... it's all a bit fabulous. Recently this thread on Reddit really tickled my fancy, and that of the BR Crew when I showed it to them.
Basically people were taking what beauty vloggers said and were taking the p-word out of it. And really, some of the comments were so real you couldn't help but laugh, and then cringe. So with this in mind we got chatting about what we hear beauty gurus say vs what we suspect they really mean...
'I am obssessed with this right now.'
Translation: I like it. It's okay, I guess. But I'm getting paid to say this and can guarantee I will have moved on from it by the end of this video.
'I don't usually like to talk about my personal life...'
Translation: I have a captive audience and I'm going to waffle on about anything and everything that comes to mind for the next ten minutes.
'You know I love <insert brand>, I'm always raving about them. But this product just isn't quite right for me.'
Translation: Oh for the love of God, please don't stop sending me free stuff, because you've created one thing I hate.
'It might not work for you, but...'
Translation: I'm covering my arse because I'm getting paid to talk about it.
'I was sent this.'
Translation: '... along with a nice little cheque that's going straight towards a new designer bag.'
'I love you guys. So. Much.'
Translation: I don't really love you. I love that your subscription means I get more money it the bank. I barely read your comments and when I do I spend most of my time rolling my eyes at the crazy level of sycophancy.
'Now my usual routine is...'
Translation: Who am I kidding? I don't have a routine. I chop and change on the daily.
'So I'm just going to blend this. A little more. Back and forth. Back and forth. And a bit more.'
Translation: This product is crap and I'm rubbing my eyelid off, but it's designer, I got it free, and I don't want that free train to stop rolling into my station.
'I've been using this a while.'
Translation: I've used this twice.
'This shade's nice. Just not for me. Maybe it would suit a fairer or darker tone.'
Translation: What were they thinking when they brought this colour out? It would look crap on anyone, but I don't want to offend the company... because... well... you know why...
'I'll only ever tell you what I really think of a product.'
Translation: 'I'm fibbing to you from the moment my face hits your screen.'
Omg this is gold