The One Thing That Never Goes Out of Style

By BR Kellie*

Fashions come and go. One minute contouring is in, the next it’s all about strobing. You go to sleep in a world that loves glossy lips and wake up in a world that is all about matte lips. But what’s the one thing that never goes out of fashion? Etiquette.

Of course etiquette, like fashion, evolves. Whilst once upon a time a gent would walk on the outside of a lady to save her from being splashed with mud from a passing carriage, these days we don’t even think twice about who would walk on the closer side of the road. However, we would notice if a friend met us for lunch and then spent half their time checking their phone as opposed to talking to us.

So what are the modern etiquette must-haves? And is there some etiquette that will always be in fashion no matter how the world changes?

In the old days if you wanted to talk to someone you would ring from a phone in your sitting room, or if you were lucky, on the second phone in the relative privacy of your parent’s bedroom. These days we’re more likely to use our cellphone, and the evolution of the phone has created a new set of rules for phone etiquette. 

• Whether you’re meeting one friend or a group make it your priority to be 100% engaged, that means putting your phone away and keeping it away. It may well pay to turn it off so there’s no chance you’ll want to have a quick glance at your email or Facebook or even your favourite beauty review website… 
• Having your phone sitting on the table during coffee or a meal is an absolute no-no. The only exception to this is if you’re expecting an important phone call (think crucial medical test results or the impending death of a loved one) and you’ve explained to the person you’re spending time with that while you wouldn’t usually have a phone on a table, you can’t miss that particular phone call.
• Other phone faux pas to avoid? Don’t text someone to break up with them or to announce important family matters.  If you can’t do it face to face pick up the phone and call, that’s what it was originally created for.
• Don’t chat on your phone whilst ordering a coffee or having your groceries put through at the checkout. End the phone call and treat the person serving you like a human and not a robot who is there to do your bidding.
• Lastly, don’t check your phone during a movie in the cinema, that little bright light is distracting. And always silence your phone – the only phone that should be heard during a movie is the sound effect of a phone in the movie.

So what about work etiquette?

• As wonderful as the microwave is, it can cause people to screw their noses up at work when colleagues insist on microwaving their fish pie (and its other whiffy food friends). Yes, that fish pie you had for dinner might taste delicious, but it sure doesn’t smell delicious wafting through the office – keep the smelly leftovers at home.
• Another rule? Don’t eat other people’s food from the work fridge, no matter how tempting their leftovers look. 

Etiquette also exists around work email.

• First of all keep that subject line clear and to the point. Think ‘article for review’ rather than ‘here’s an article that might be ok but I’m not sure can you please check it out…’.  
• Until you’ve built a relationship with the person you’re emailing, keep it formal. Use proper salutations, sign off with a Best Wishes or Kind Regards, and don’t use emoticons. A rule of thumb I use is to keep it formal until they make the first move to friendly things up a bit, or until we’ve met in real life and you’ve had the opportunity to figure out whether they’d be amenable to a warmer email working relationship.
• Don’t take forever to reply. Aim to have emails that need replying sent within 24 to 48 hours. Also if the only word you plan on emailing is ‘thanks’, think again before hitting the send button. One word emails are inbox cloggers and have the potential to annoy an already busy and stressed person
• Finally, there are times where emailing is inappropriate, say in the case of a confidential discussion or a looming deadline when action needs to be taken. Then in pays to pick up the phone or actually go and see the person - an email can be ignored, but it’s a lot harder to block a real live person who is asking you to get a wriggle on.

So what about the basics of etiquette? Here’s a rundown of beautiful rules that I doubt will ever change no matter how the world around us does.

• If you RSVP to an event, turn up. To not turn up can put the other person out of pocket, upset seating plans, and will no doubt see you crossed off many invite lists. And don’t be late; always make the effort to be on time.
• Always go to a party with something in hand, unless you’ve been expressly forbidden. Bring flowers or a plant, a bottle of wine (which you can not expect to be opened for you to guzzle because it’s a gift), or some nice cheese and crackers. 
• If someone is walking behind you and you’re going through the door, leave it open for him or her or let him or her walk through before you. Say ‘excuse me’ if you need to get round someone, or if you accidentally bump into someone. 
• Don’t just hoe into a meal the moment you get it, wait for everyone to be served before you begin eating – the only time you can eat beforehand is if the host or hostess indicates for you to begin or if you’re at a large function and several people at your large table have your food. Don’t talk with your mouth full, and chew with your mouth closed. Dining tables are for dining implements, don’t scatter your sunnies, wallet and keys across it – put them in your bag and have it sitting under the table so it doesn’t trip others up.
• Do send thank you notes rather than emails to people who’ve taken the time to send you a present after the birth of your child, your wedding, or a special birthday. 
• Lastly don’t interrupt someone when they’re speaking, and when they are speaking don’t be so bursting to share your thoughts that you stop listening – real conversation involves two things, talking and listening. It’s a delightfully symbiotic relationship, which creates deeper and more meaningful communication.

So are you a fan of etiquette? Have you noticed changes in etiquette as technology and times have changed? Is there anything you wish people would do more or less of? Chat away….


*Fun Fact about BR Kellie – she got A+++ in an etiquette project in Standard 4. She is still rather fond of etiquette, and is horribly embarrassed and angry with herself when she forgets to use them.