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I’m Sick of Self-Shaming!

21 July, 2016 - 10:56pm by - First Lady | 12 Comments

By BR Kellie

Recently during my daily perusal of beauty websites I came across a couple of articles that had me clicking in for a read. The titles of these articles went along the lines of….

“Ten Things Only Girls With Big Foreheads Understand.”

“Five Things Only Short Girls Get.”

Of course I clicked on them, I’m short and I’ve a five-finger forehead. What were these mysterious things only people like me were going to understand?

The further I read the more disgruntled I began to feel. Just to check I wasn’t being a paranoid android I clicked into a few more articles written in the same vein … “Twenty Things Girls With Amazonia Height And Strength And Tongues As Long As Their Palms Will Only Ever Be Capable Of Understanding”… “Seventeen Moments Only Girls With Short Fingers, Long Palms And Bambi Eyes Get”…

The grumpiness grew.

You see, on the outside these articles initially seemed harmless, at times they were even amusing. Sure, those of us with big foreheads have all slapped our palms to our heads to see how many fingers we are.

“Five? I think you’ll find you’re four and a half fingers.”

“Me? I need an extra finger to make up for the extra piece of forehead above my five fingers.”

And we’ve all admired our fellow forehead idol, Tyra Banks, and her marvellous expanse of skin. But when the forehead article started talking about trying to hide the size of one’s forehead by uber-contouring or getting a fringe or wearing a hat… well… at that point I just went no and clicked out in disgust. Because at that point the article went from amusing-because-it’s-true to straight out self-shaming.

You see while I’m all for poking fun at oneself and will giggle like a mad woman whilst leaping like a spring lamb to try and reach something on the top shelf of a supermarket, I have no time for making myself feel bad about something I can’t change. To be fair, I’m lucky enough to not get hung up about genetic traits like my height and forehead, they are what they are, but I hate the idea that more impressionable folk who may already be self-conscious about their bodies would read these articles and then become even more self-conscious than they already are.

Instead of writing articles that go from having a giggle to self-shaming, why not take a positive spin on it? You’re short? You can buy a smaller car, drive it comfortably and save money on fuel. You’re tall? You can reach the tallest shelves at the supermarket without standing on tiptoes and potentially breaking an ankle. You’ve no cheekbones? You’ll look youthful longer (I’m still getting IDed at 37 – thank you extra layers of cheek chub). You have cheekbones and they’re in danger of cutting something? What the heck are you complaining about? Don’t make me come over there.

I guess what I’m getting at in my own roundabout way is that we live in a world where there really aren’t any shortage of people who enjoy taking the opportunity of reminding others what’s not great about their differences, so the last thing we should ever do is that very same thing to ourselves. Instead of self-shaming we should be self-championing. Reminding ourselves on a daily basis what it is that makes us unique, special, and therefore beautiful. So the next time you click on one of those articles that purport to tell you things only you would know about, and it moves from funny to making you feel less about yourself, shut the page down, go stand in the mirror and tell yourself your five fingered forehead is so fab Tyra would be jealous, or those extra long legs of yours would make a drag queen jealous. Then blow a kiss at yourself and go about your day knowing you’re perfect just as you are.

Rant over. Pixie out.

(Actually, not quite, tell us what you love about yourself. Let’s spread some self-love! Xxx)

Comments

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22nd August, 2016

I used to read these kinds of poorly executed articles until I came to a similar conclusion as you Head Pixie xx now I just pop in to BR and read the best articles about beauty, and I feel much better for not buying into the '10 things only...' articles. Love your differences and love yourself [mwah]

30th July, 2016

Yes to this. I like my tenacity. I'm driven and I achieve my goals.

29th July, 2016

That's exactly the attitude you need to have! So inspiring head pixie. I'm quite particular about things and attention to detail. It can be a strong point but also a weak point I have.

28th July, 2016

I do find some of those lists quite offensive too! I often see 10 things only tall girls will get and 5 things 'curvy' girls will get. Thinking back I agreed with all of the lists BUT it is self-shaming when I think about it. I should be proud of being tall and just love me for me. I love being tall, ok not so much the big girl but it is just a small part of who I am and I should embrace it. I think I shall pass this message on to others who often do the same and think the worst about themselves.

23rd July, 2016

I love how this site is so dedicated to encouraging us to see the beauty in the not conventionally beautiful. When I was taking photos for the rainbow eyes article I really struggled to like any of them because my forehead looked big, so I ended up cropping the photo. For what I love about myself. I like that my eyes.

22nd July, 2016

I do find those articles interesting because it gives either ideas for me or pros to have that feature or an idea of what it would be like if I was like that. That being said you can't chose the face or body you're born with so embrace what you've got because it'll going to be there for the rest of your life.

22nd July, 2016

I like this article a lot! I'm incredibly hard on myself, those self-loathing words are hard to ignore and I think it makes it even worse when you read little articles like you mentioned. I would never be so hard on anyone else, like I am to myself. I did just measure my forehead with my fingers, it's only like just over 4 fingers but I do have big hands lol. I'm getting better at accepting my height, I hated being super tall when I was younger but I'm at a stage now where, maybe I don't love it but I wouldn't want to be shorter. Ask me in a few years, it might be love then!

22nd July, 2016

Funny that this came up. Lacked motivation to do make up with recent family issues impacting on my self esteem. Working on gaining my confidence back.

22nd July, 2016

Youre a woman of words Kellie, and a beautiful one <3 Sometimes their write ups make me question myself and I start getting insecure, most times I try to see the funny side and laugh at myself. I have a 5 and a half head which has made me so insecure, I get made fun of this sometimes on social media too which is why I try to hide it but on my last visit to my in-laws in UAE my mother in law asked me why I go through such lengths to hide my forehead, she says in her middle eastern culture that the bigger the forehead the more beautiful you are and tried to make me "embrace it" while I was there instead of hiding it. <3

22nd July, 2016

Growing up, I had no idea of what was in or out until someone would make a comment, and then it would probably depend on how sensitive I was feeling that day as to whether I took it as a compliment or an problem. I have full lips, I remember someone compared me to Julia Roberts once as a teenager. My partner told me he loves my lips - and that is what I hang on to when I'm struggling to appy lippy.

My mum always told me I have nice eyes. I also like my nose. Some things have been give and take though. I have large feet, but I also have large boobs - so that has ended up balancing out, and I don't fall over (too much). My hair is stupidly thick - not so much the strands, but there is masses of it, and it falls out and drives my family mad (not that they aren't nuts anyway). I've come to accept my hair, and am glad I have the coverage I do. Learning to control the wildness has helped.

22nd July, 2016

The thoughts and ideas we have about ourselves are really powerful. If you tell yourself something often enough then we start to believe it. We need to be kind to ourselves and be the first ones to love ourselves. It's much nicer in your head if you focus on the things you love about yourself than the things you hate. One of the things I love about myself is my gigantic lips. Yes they are ridiculously large but they give me a great canvas for lippy and I know many people would kill for lips like mine!

22nd July, 2016

I love this article and find myself agreeing with so many self doubts. Can't change yourself so enhance your best quality-A lesson I too have to learn. While you are about it also take time to avoid a comment on others -I have a very shy tall daughter and she is constantly getting rude remarks made to her regarding her height by strangers !! Look for all the blessings you have and others and always look to say something nice

k3r1pakai
22nd July, 2016

What a beautiful mother in law you have

Lutece
22nd July, 2016

Ohhh she is Keri,Ive learnt so much from her, Im so lucky to have a beautiful mother in law thats gorgeous on the inside and out &lt;3 x

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