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Cosmetic names – We look at the shocking, the weird & the wo

17 August, 2014 - 08:58pm by - First Lady | 41 Comments

Article by BR Natalie


Is there anything better than when two of your favourite things collide?  At BRHQ there's nothing we love more than when beauty products embrace our favourite form of wit - the pun.  Yes you might be surprised to know that the usually sophisticated, mature and modern Beauty Crew love nothing more than a good old fashioned pun. And the sillier the better.

OPI have just released the Nordic Collection and as usual, they don't disappoint.  From Viking in a Vinter Vonderland to My Voice is a Little Norse, the shade names are sharp as a tack.

Now as they often do in the office, our conversation ran away with itself and before I knew it I was tasked with researching brands in search of names - the weird, the wonderful and the shocking.  And of course, we've found something for every sense of humour, as well as some particularly poor choices and some that well, I'd have to wash my mouth out with a bar of soap if I dropped them  into conversation.

Chicken Poop Lip Junk

Grandpa says: If ya got dry lips put chicken poop on 'em so ya won't lick 'em.

Thankfully containing no poop, Chicken Poop Lip Junk is a tube lip balm containing a mix of Avocado Oil, jojoba, sweet orange, lavender essential oil, bees wax and vitamin E. 

Simone Chickenbone Natural Put-Ons have even released a range for those gals who like their poop with a little shimmer, La Chick Poo Poo; a mineral tinted version of the original.
 

Sexy Motherpucker

Lip size found crucial for sexual attraction.

 Soap and Glory are one of my personal favourite brands.  Not only are their products amazing, they offer a thoroughly enjoyable experience.  From their cracking vintage photos to the punny descriptions they're guaranteed to raise a smile. 

But its the product names that really tickle my funny bone.  Sexy Mother Pucker is my favourite lipgloss, but other winning product names include; I-foam, a shower gel, The Beatles's inspired range The Fab Pore, Pulp Friction a fruity body scrub and the on-the-cusp-of-being-very-rude highlighter lotion named The Glow Job.

You Can't Zit Here

Merging science with energy and love!

Simply Botanicals is a deceptively plain brand moniker considering they host a range of products with fantastically clever names - not all as naughty as their blemish banishing foamy wash You Can't Zit Here! 

Our top picks include Pack your Bags, an eye gel, Outer Body Experience, an all over body wash and Keep Abreast Of It, a breast cream to encourage lymphatic drainage and circulation.

 

Brazen Hussy

Quality with a giggle.

Cheeky Monkey specialise in making 'nice' formaldehyde free nail polish with darn right naughty shade names. 

Think OPI.  X-rated. 

As well as the aforementioned Brazen Hussy, some of the more tame shade names include; Tramp Stamp, Full Brazilian, Camel Toe and Thigh Highs.  As for the really naughty ones?  We'll leave that to you to discover with a 'contains explicit material' warning!  

Cow Fart Juice

Hold your nose and apply gently to the affected area.

This Between You & The Moon product has to have one of the silliest names we've ever seen! 

Cow Fart Juice is a 'highly intoxicating blend of healing herbs that have natural anti-bacterial, anti-microbial, anti-viral, & anti-fungal properties.' 

We might be tempted to stick to Tea Tree Oil and save having to answer people asking what we smell like!

 

Tail Swat Body Spray

For those times you wish you had a tail

From our friends across the ditch, Moo Goo have 'helped herds of people with their skin conditions. 

They claim their scented body spray Tail Swat will make you less attractive to mossies. 

And with no citronella, deet or harsh chemicals they really are embracing the most natural fly swatter in nature - the moo cow's tail.

Here's a few other gems we found down the rabbit hole:

  • Colarado Pitstik - a deodorant 'changing the way you stik your pit'
  • Kaia House You're Not Dead Yet - a Dead Sea mud mask
  • Silk Naturals Birthday Suit - a nude lippie.  In fact Silk Naturals seem to have monopolised the clever nude shade names, with other nude lip colours being called; Negligee, Centrefold and Skinny Dip.
  • Nars Orgasm - the must-have blush.  Other products include Multiple and Deep Throat. 
  • Urban Decay Mildew - a richly pigmented medium toned green, with a mouldy name. 
  • Spoiled Sixty-Shine Me - a beautiful glitter polish spoiled by a rude name!
  • Anatomicals Snog Me Senseless - this lip balm speaks for itself, as do the matching breath mints!
  • Wet n Wild Threesome - a highlighter, contourer and blush.
  • MAC Underage - a tinted lip gloss that missed the mark with this name.
  • Gorilla Snot - hair gel that will never touch a lock of myhair!
  • The Balm Schitzo - this shade can be found in the Naughty Palette.  Probably not the most tasteful name choice.
  • Kat Von D Celebutard - yeah, still not convinced that disparaging references to mental illness are a selling point.
  • Anti-Monkey Butt - a deodorising powder for your derriere. 

It's quite hard wrapping this article up!  But I'm going to stop here and hand it over to you, our lovely members.  Tell us - what's in a name?  Are you none-too-fussed about the names of products and shades, or are they a factor in your purchasing decision?  Do out-there or low-rent name choices influence how you see a brand, or do you stick to the old adage, and never judge a book by it's cover?

Get chatting below!

 

Comments

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28th October, 2014

I have never heard of any of these. And to be honest the name does for most of these put me off even trying the product.

31st August, 2014

Loooove sexy motherpucker!! LOL Classic

25th August, 2014

Ahahaha love the 'Glow Job'. The funny product names definitely add to the charm and will make me look twice.

24th August, 2014

I must say I am more drawn to a product if it has a catchy name and it will stick in my mind more, although I won't bother using it if it's no good so I still think good quality that works well will get my pick every time.. I do love soap and glory though I have been using there flake away spa polish and I absolutely love it! It smells Devine and is the best scrub I have ever used, it's a bit more expensive as I have to order online from kit cosmetics.. I love the catch phrase they have on top of it "it might be fine if her friends are flaky, but a lady's legs should never be" lol :-)

24th August, 2014

I wouldn't buy a product based on its name alone but I do I love it when I find something I like that also have a punny name.

23rd August, 2014

These are awesome! Would try all of them solely on the awesomemess of their names, however they all have legit purposes. Would loooove to try them all :)

22nd August, 2014

If the product is good I don't mind the name, although reading certain product names and not having seen the product does put me off buying. But if I saw a good product in store, I wouldn't care about the name. I do have to agree Gorilla Snot is never going in my hair.

21st August, 2014

Ha ha ha I love that chicken poop one, there is some on iHerb, I may have to order some just to say I've had the experience of trying Chicken Poop on my lips ha ha ha xx

21st August, 2014

There sure are some weired cosmetic names out there lol, something a bit different.

19th August, 2014

"You can't zit here" Haha this has to be my fav! I think the name of a product definitely comes into play when making a purchase!

19th August, 2014

A few weird names but its definitely does not influence me in buying new products. Some of the names are funny and can intrigue me into looking further at the products to see what it is all about. If I like what I find out then maybe but I have not known anything that has influenced me by the name. I still stick to what I know - perhaps I should venture out a bit!!!

19th August, 2014

These are hilarious! I love them, love companies with a sense of humour!!

19th August, 2014

hahaha gave me a very good giggle!

19th August, 2014

Sometimes i can buy items because of the name it makes it fun and i know i like to stick to old fashioned stuff things from years ago around today must work for obvious reasons :) testing products are a huge help too so I'm on the fence if I try it and it works I'll get it :)

19th August, 2014

lol hi can I get some cow fart juice please? This article made me laugh!! I used to buy products from b**** slap cosmetics and they had loads of colourful names for their makeup I love their bright pigments but never understood why they named their different products like beat b**** or slaps b**** and things like that but I'm sure you get the idea

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