By BR Kellie
So I was doing my hair the other day, which is a rare thing. Usually the hair goes up in a bun and I go about my day. So I was all impressed with myself for making an effort. Hair was straightened, hair was brushed, hair was looking a bit greasy around the edges (the joy of hair that goes greasy at the blink of an eye), so I got the dry shampoo out, squirt and ‘oh my giddy aunt’ - I was grey. Unintentionally so. So. I mussed my hair in an attempt to work it in, and then I brushed my hair, and the grey just wouldn’t budge. Good hair day ruined. I bleeped.
I’m actually really glad we don’t have a swear jar at home, because by bleeping beauty moments are many. Here’s a few more that would rack up swear-jar coinage.
You’re getting your face all gussied up for the day, you pump a little foundation onto the back of your hand and the nozzle is a bit gunked up, next thing you know you’ve a foundation-coloured stain on your top, your jeans, or the carpet. And anyone who has tried to get foundation out of all of the above knows it’s a mission, has to be acted on quickly, and that there’s no guaranteed of success. Bleep.
Then there are those times that you’ve spent an age giving yourself a manicure or pedicure. You’ve magically managed to ensure the polish is perfect. No funny bits going over the edges. No wonky lines. No strange thick bits. You’ve sat perfectly still for thirty minutes, not even checking out social media on your phone for fear of smushing the polish. You’re sure it’s good as gold and it feels dry to the touch, so you get up and go about your day only to look down and see that the nail polish lied and you’ve brushed up against something and now you’ve an imperfect mani/pedi. BLEEP!
You know that moment you fumble your phone, it slips from your fingers and you hold your breath as you watch it crash slow-motion-styles onto the ground, the whole time praying that the screen’s not going to shatter? That same heart-stopping heart-in-your-throat feeling can be applied to dropping your favourite eyeshadow palette or blusher. Seeing my MAC limited edition Nutcracker Sweet blush fly from my hands and fall to the floor was a BLEEP moment if ever there were one. Thank the makeup gods it was okay… but had it not been? That imaginary swear jar would’ve been overflowing.
You’ve noticed your eyebrows are resembling furry beetles. Ungroomed furry beetles. There’s one thing for it… it’s time for a trip to the beauty salon for a wax or a thread. Except you don’t have the time to get there. So you figure you’ll tidy it up with your tweezers. One hair there. Two hairs there. Four over there. It’s a little uneven, so you go back in. Next thing you know you’re looking like Keanu Reeves after he comes out of the pod in the matrix. Bald brows. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleeeeeeeeeep.
Beauty blunders aside, at least with all the cash I’d make with my bleeping I could buy more beauty products… Still, I could do without the heart attack moments that go before the bleeping. Sooooo… have you had any beauty moments that’ve made you bleep? What were they? Did you actually bleep? Was there foot stampage? Get chatting!